Here are some Excerpts from the book |
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| Is life an adventure from the beginning to the end, or are adventures only for children? Is it foolish to think of having adventures throughout our life, relegating all the fun and the mystery of finding the answers to others? Has the innocence in us that was alive in abundance when we were young seemingly disappeared, along with the sense of excitement about living each day? No—it’s still there, waiting to be discovered. It might be hidden, but it’s there, waiting to be realized and put into use, transforming our lives into that very sense of wonderment we frolicked in as children. Only this time, it is adventure with a purpose, and the excitement is the discovery of life itself. This isn’t a theory or a nice thought. This is real. This book was written to honor, to better understand, and learn from the amazing life of Evan Holofcener, my son. It is also a guidebook for teenagers that will help them sort through issues that are or will be facing them in the near future. Although I say this book is for teenagers, it is also for parents of teens, parents, and anyone looking for answers to the big questions. This book is simply for who it is for. This book is Evan’s story and my story as well, although my story wouldn’t be worth writing about except in the context that my story is intertwined with Evan. Evan’s Earthly Adventure was given to me as a gift. There is no way I could have written this book by myself. I look at the book now and am incredulous that it turned out the way it did. Oftentimes, I didn’t understand why I said certain things in the book, but I knew that something that I have never experienced before was taking place, and leading me to a place where I had never been. I want to take you there too. As this story unfolded I was surprised at the twists and turns that presented themselves to me and I understood my need to be open to where I was being led. Let me explain. This book just happened. I never planned to write it, I had to write it. The direction of the book kept changing, surprising me and delighting me at the same time. The end result is nothing that resembled my original idea, which I think is wonderful. I decided to separate information by indicating a journal entry date, as that is the only way I could chronicle the events that unfolded. There is a journey that is being described, and one that can also be had by the reader. There are a few requirements however, and I would ask you to simply suspend your beliefs and ideas, for the moment, and just listen to the words as if you were very, very thirsty, and the words were leading you to water. The words can never be water, but they can point you in the right direction. Each one of us is on our own earthly journey. This is the chronicle of one young man who completed his. Evan had such an extraordinary life that I decided to write this book to tell his story, so that he won’t be forgotten and to inspire others to find what they were meant to find and discover in their time on earth. Evan was an inspiration to me while he was alive, and even more so after his death. There are some people that touch you in a way that can change your life; even people in your own family. That’s the way it happened to me. This book was also cathartic, as I needed to write down my impressions of Evan and what I learned about and from him while he was alive, and after his death. Many people shared their thoughts of Evan and their experiences with him, and I started to get a clearer picture of who Evan really was. Then I knew that it wasn’t entirely my story to tell. The many people that were touched by Evan and were part of his earthly adventure freely wanted to share their experiences with him because it was also cathartic for them and also helped our family to feel better about the life of our beloved son.
Actually, we received hundreds of notes, emails, and wonderful letters, all describing an Evan that was hidden to Nancy and me. We were seeing Evan from many other perspectives, and were delighted to see those varying glimpses of him. Now the true picture was complete, although I never realized it wasn’t. I have never written anything for publication prior to this book. I feel that the essence of this book is coming from a place that I don’t question or understand. This isn’t something I wanted to do, but something that I needed to do. I also don’t understand the depth of my need to write. I have never felt this way before about anything, but in this new existence there are many things I don’t understand. I just try and accept them and go with the flow, as there is most definitely a flow. I don’t really feel as though I am the only writer of this story. For the most part, I am just trying to stay out of the way as much as possible. There are days when I can write, and days and weeks when I haven’t been able to write a word, even though I wanted to. There is a message that is trying to be delivered, and I am trying my best to be true to the way the message intends to be brought forth and to whom it is meant for. Even the title of the book was given to me-- in a dream. It was so vivid and so real. I wrote the name of the title on a pad I keep beside my bed, as sometimes I’ll dream about things that I want to include in the book, write them down in the middle of the night, and awaken to find that I had completely forgotten about my dream, except for the reminder on my notepad. I had already picked another title for the book and was actually arguing in my dream about it. “This is the title for your book,” I heard. I remembered having a dream about the title but had completely forgotten the title given to me. There on my notepad was written: Evan’s Earthly Adventure. One life can touch so many other lives in a positive way, yet be unaware of the significance of their actions. Unhappiness can be slowly turned around and happiness can be found by doing the things that you were meant to do, and doing them with all of your heart and all of your strength. How do you know the things you are meant to do? By searching. It’s not any more complicated than that. One can wonder for the rest of their lives about why there are here and what they are supposed to do, but action in this case is the key. You must actively search, and not just by reading books. You have to create your own book through living your life. A breakthrough can occur that will alter the rest of your life, but the journey isn’t easy, and the ones that make it will certainly say that all of their effort was worth it. For those who don’t try, they will certainly continue to make their lives pleasant, and rationalize that the prize probably wasn’t worth it after all. Evan also saved this Instant Messenger conversation. It was a conversation with one of his friends about some problems the friend was having. The name of his friend has been changed. Evan: ur in pain? Evan then brings on a bunch of other people on IM and asks them what they think about Bob. It was like a large conference call/therapy session. Most reply Bob is sort of nice but can also be mean-- but also funny and nice. Bob is really surprised to see that some people like him. The conversation continues: Evan: what do u think of Bob. Just in general. Scary? Mean? Evan then emails this conversation to all the people on his buddy list (150+). It’s a cry of help from Bob. Final words: When Evan died, it was as if one door closed and another opened. It was quite a shock to see the door open and walk through it metaphorically speaking. I guess it was some kind of cosmic compensation for the loss of our son. It takes surrender and acceptance of the closed door in order for us to be able to see the open door and walk through it. In my case, another door did open and it provided a different perspective on this life and why we are here on earth. I am not positive that this is the answer, because there is no way to validate it, but it does feel right. A level of understanding that I never had before has been provided to me, and all of the pieces seem to fit together as if a puzzle that I didn’t know existed was being constructed and suddenly appeared before me with a vision of how the parts connect. Our job is to realize there is a puzzle, which is called our life, and to solve it or to figure out how the pieces connect. At minimum, there is something each one of us needs to do in this life, which is the primary reason we are on this earth;-to learn certain lessons and connect with our true self. I saw that everything is as it should be; we need only to understand
that. If we could accept what is given to us, we can learn from both
the “good” and the “bad.” Our “gifts” and “tragedies” are
actually equal in value, in that we can learn the lessons we need to
learn from either the good or the bad. Actually if you look closer
there is really no good or bad if we can learn the lessons we need
to learn from both. Then the reality is that it’s only our perception
that something is good or bad. Is a bad experience bad if we are able
to gain understanding and knowledge from it? Of course, there may be
pain associated with a bad experience, but isn’t that how we
grow--by breaking through the pain to a new level of awareness? Of course, there is sadness associated with some gifts, as none of us are that evolved that we can separate our emotions from the lessons we are receiving. That is particularly true in my case. It appears that we are here on this earth to learn lessons that we need to learn and that is why we have been placed in the family we have, surrounded by the situations that confront us, and born into the status we desired in order to have the maximum learning experience. We can only learn our lessons however, if we are aware that we are supposed to learn from our situations. Even then, it’s still a leap from an intellectual understanding to a real understanding. Whether we were born into riches or poverty, have loving parents or awful ones, experience more heartache than joy, it doesn’t matter, since we can learn what we need to learn from what we are given. The grass is only greener on the other side because of the lessons that need to be learned from those people with the greener grass. The grass isn’t greener; it’s always just right and appropriate for each individual on earth.
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