By Kate Walsh

Wednesday, November 12, 2003 - GROTON -- The decision of Lowell Superior Court Judge Thomas Billings last week to stay the sentence of the woman convicted in the death of 13-year-old Evan Holofcener only added to Mark and Nancy Holofcener's feelings of injustice.

Melissa Reynolds of Ayer was sentenced by the judge to two-and-a-half to three years in state prison for felony motor-vehicle homicide. But the judge stayed her sentence pending the result of her appeal.

Having waited two years to see the woman charged with killing their son brought to trial, the result seems to have only added to the distress of grieving parents.

And though the judge's move was very upsetting, Nancy said of Reynolds, "She's already taken one member of our family. It's up to us to see that she doesn't take anything more."

"I'm starting to look at everything in two ways," said Mark. "There is what we think is reality, which is everything we see and happens to us as part of this world. Then I'm starting to see the bigger picture. Maybe it's my job to overcome this, to learn and grow from these events.

"Pain is really the difference between what is going on and what you want to go on," he said. "All these things that are happening to our family, I can't control them. But I'm starting to see that there is a reason for things, and I'm trying to understand what it is I need to do. I don't want to get bogged down in thinking this physical world is everything, that good things are always good and bad things are always bad. If that were the case, no one could grow in real understanding of the true nature of reality.

"We can take bad things that happen to us and we can be in everlasting pain for the rest of our lives," he explained, "or we can try to understand the bigger picture. The more I do that, there's less pain, more understanding. When I see the bigger picture, it gives me a chance to grow, to overcome the things that are hurtful."

"I look at this verdict and on one hand, I'm really pissed off about it because she belongs in jail," Holofcener said. "At this point though, I have no hatred for her, and it's not about revenge. It's about justice. It's about what's right and what should be done according to the rules and laws of the justice system.

"My emotion is, I'm angry, but another part of me says maybe this is supposed to happen, maybe this is for a reason," he said. "Looking at it that way, it doesn't make me angry. I do have a choice as to how I look at things. And that choice is also to try and be open to the possibility that I don't know how things are supposed to work, and that I don't know how things are supposed to be. That's exactly where I'm at."

"We've been talking a lot about this," said Nancy. "When the verdict was read, I thought I'd better get out of the courtroom before I shouted something out loud."

Both parents were upset about the message the judge's action sent to people associated with DARE, MADD, and the Groton Police Department, and to all the parents who try to teach their children that if they break the law, they'll be punished.

"What the verdict says," said Mark, "is that you're better off not accepting responsibility, denying everything, and maybe you'll get off. It's a terrible message to give to people. It's like a parent grounding their kid for something terrible and imposing the punishment two years later.

"The ultimate we can do while we're here is to understand why we're here, what we're supposed to learn and do," said Mark. "This period of awakening for me is making me want to help other people. Through writing my books, speaking and working with others that have lost a loved one. And that is the way that I can heal myself. Being conscious, as opposed to being unconscious, draws us toward humanity and more love. I'm not just saying it, it's become something real for me. I've wanted to help other people in the past, just like many of us do, but didn't actually get around to it, but now I'm really focused on that.

"I don't want to let Evan's death be in vain," Mark stressed. "I feel like the more we as a family explore what's really going on, get more in touch with some level of understanding about the true nature of things, the better our lives will be. I'll never stop trying to make a difference in this world, because of Evan. I think about him every single day. It made us more open to everything and in being open we have found some answers that we never thought we could."

"Neither one of us wants to be moping around in pain," Nancy said. "That's the choice. When you've had your heart ripped open, you become really vulnerable. But you become open and when you're open, you can see things, more than you saw before because your world was in order, it was tidy. You knew when guitar lesson was, when hockey practice was. But when that is torn apart and you begin to sift through things, you see what is really important."

Speaking of those who stepped forward to help, Nancy said, "Normally, it's hard to accept help, it's easier to give. But when you're comatose and someone shows up to take you for a walk every day, you see a beauty in people you might not have otherwise experienced.

"It doesn't have to take the death of someone to put you in that position," she said. "There are other life-altering events that would lead to the same realization, but for me, this was the event that did it. It set the bomb off. All the things that were superfluous before and the things that bugged you before don't make any difference. And the things that are important, stay."

Experiences with mediums and past-life regressions since Evans' death have provided what Nancy termed "strong indications" that there's more to existence than a single life on earth.

Mark's spiritual experiences have left him with no doubts that there's more to existence and that Evan continues to exist on another plane. "I have a very simplistic way of looking at things," he said. "I know chocolate is good, I don't have to understand it."

A nurse by trade, Nancy is searching for a greater understanding of the bigger picture. "I have a very logical mind. I'm more scientific by nature, much to my detriment perhaps. I do believe he's somewhere else," she said of Evan, "but I still miss him, I still wish he was here.

"We've had so many people that we are really grateful to," said Nancy, "like victim witness advocate, Dottie Berrios, assigned to us in Lowell. She did a really wonderful job of walking us through the system. Prosecutor Suzanne Kontz and Loretta Lillios really put their hearts into this case.

"Mark and I got up there to give heartrending statements, but meanwhile the judge had seemingly made up his mind. I don't think any of it made any difference."

"I know the police and the district attorney's office were all upset with the judge's action," said Mark. "The message was, what they do doesn't really matter. But what they do does matter.

"We want other people to know," Nancy said, "that you don't have to have your whole life destroyed by events you have no control over. It's a choice we can make every day."

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